In all honestly I haven't been massively looking forward to today and yesterday. On the 25th of September 2014 I had my third false alarm and quite frankly it was one of the worst days of my life. I can look back on it now and see it as a life experience and one I needed to get me where I am today, I can look at it with the hindsight I now have and know that those organs clearly were not "meant to be" as I then received my gift 8 months later but the thing is a PH friend lost her life that following morning after receiving those lungs and it made a bad experience even worse. There was a whole community of people in mourning and although it would have been sad that one of us didn't get our transplants the fact that one did would have lifted peoples spirits a little but the reality is sometimes transplant doesn't always work and unfortunately this was one of those times. So this time last year I was devastated about the fact that my transplant had yet again not happened and then feeling the loss of a member of our community at the same time. It was a awful time. It's easy to look back with hindsight because ultimately I can say the following 8 months of waiting was worth it but at the time all I remember is everything just being very, very hard! It's not just a sad few days for me but for Hazel and her family and the donors family. At least for me I got my happy ending but it's a hard few days for me to look back on and remember.
I have maybe done a bit of retail therapy to cheer myself up and the past few days has seen me quite a few hundred pounds worse off but it's been worth it. I spent a small fortune on getting my blog redesigned which will be happening very soon guys and I cannot wait for it. This was going to happen soon but I was mopey Stacie yesterday and thought "Well I may as well do it now :D" and so I paid my invoice and bobs your uncle, there you have it, you'll be seeing a lovely new and fresh "life is Worth the Fight" very soon :-D. I had the stressful experience of picking out some new glasses today as well and for the first time in 24 years I will have prescription sunglasses! I cannot wait. I actually look quite good in sunglasses I've just never really been able to justify buying them but today I took the plunge whilst also buying two other normal pairs of glasses. Now £175 is a lot of money to spend on glasses admittedly but considering I'm literally blind without them and wear them 24/7 it's a worthwhile investment for me. I literally had to whittle down my choices though I was there piled high with glasses unable to choose for about a hour, in the end I luckily had a very honest opticians/sales lady help me decide and she kindly told me what she thought look rubbish on me. I'll do a blog on them once I get them back on the 14th, Eeeee most excited. I also got my new phone which isn't really that new as it's just the iPhone 6s and I had the 5s but it makes me happy.
And yes my friends Christmas is in full swing! I'm actually far more behind Christmas shopping than I should be but we're getting there and I hope to have it all done by the end of November.
As always, thank-you for reading guys and chat soon
So it would seem that the year 2015 has been a year of achievements for me, firstly I got my Transplant which is and has been a ultimate life goal or where I had been heading to for 13ish years and it finally happened after my very long wait of 3 years but there was also something else I was working towards too. Since February 4th 2011 I have been working towards a Bachelor Honours History Degree.
It wasn't long after I started my degree that I started to get worse and in May that year is when the whole transplant stuff started happening and even though it was a scary process and I probably could have stopped doing my degree then before it even really had a chance to start I decided "No, I have to have something to keep me busy!" I refused to let the whole needing a transplant thing completely take over my whole life and by doing my degree it kind of gave me something to aim for that in my eyes was more achievable than getting a transplant which we all know may never have happened. Admittedly I could have died before I finished my degree and I nearly did but it was kind of a light at the end of the tunnel that I could aim for. You can get so stuck waiting for your transplant to happen that you forget other things and just generally stop living. My degree provided me with some kind of hope that I could have a life after my transplant I wouldn't just be the girl who just waited for her transplant to happen.
Having my degree gave me something else to focus on and it wasn't all just transplant, transplant, transplant. Admittedly there were points that I thought "Do i really need to be doing this? I mean I'm probably just going to die anyway." Then there was just after I had, had my bout of septicaemia, my PH was getting worse and I was still trying to recover from the infection (it took a long time) and this meant I couldn't stay on the track I was previous to this doing 120 credits a year so the aim was to get my degree done in 3 years but physically and I suppose mentally as well I just couldn't keep on top of the workload so around Christmas 2013 I had to swallow my pride and drop one of my modules which therefore meant it was going to take an extra year to finish my degree. It was a blow to me because by Christmas 2013 finishing my degree by June 2014 seemed doable I felt like I could make June 2014 but how the hell was I going to make June 2015? I carried on though and the module I dropped was the one I had been most looking forward to so I felt like that would keep me going enough because I would be enjoying it rather than it being the complete chore that it could have felt like. I'm lucky I finished some essays through this degree, sometimes I was just to ill to get out of bed and stay awake long enough to do them but I did. I think through the entire thing I missed ONE!
Then guys that fateful day in May I had just spent a lovely evening until 4:30am revising as my exam was coming up on the following Wednesday so only a few days away and Low and behold I finally get my transplant. One of my first thoughts was "crap my exam is on Wednesday" and then following thoughts of "If this is a false alarm I'm missing a entire days worth of revision for no reason" (I obviously couldn't concentrate enough to take any revision with me that and the fact I had had 30 minutes sleep lol) and finally "crap I'm going to have to do it in September" I kind of wanted to just get the exam over and done with but obviously I was more than ecstatic about my transplant and would much rather have been doing that than a exam although I do remember contemplating asking if they'd let me do it in the hospital as I was awake and fairly copes mentus at the time lol I might have been able to pass it... maybe ;-) . For the past 2 weeks though I have just been thinking "Oh for God sake this should have been over by now!" just because I hate revising it's the most mundane thing in the world.
So today on Wednesday 16th September 2015 I have officially finished my degree!!! I DID IT!!!
I'm honestly not the smartest person in the world and whatever I have achieved in my life be that personally, academically, medically I have always had to work very hard for it. I have had to dig very deep at times for motivation and determination to do them. Exams have never come easy to me either I find I have to be very interested in the topic that I'm learning about otherwise I have to force myself to concentrate which I had to do a lot through this degree. I think whatever I get I'm just proud of myself for doing it because there were many times in the past 4 years where I simply could have just said "You know what? Fuck it! Why do I need this?" but I think part of me just knew that at the end of it I would appreciate it and I've officially managed to get a degree without all the student debt associated with it which I'm so chuffed with because I'm sure that would have stressed me out immensely.
So Guys massive achievement No.2 of 2015 is that I have officially FINISHED my history degree.
The Second biggest WHOOP I have ever done in my life :)
Now to figure out what next... possibly driving :D
As always, thank-you for reading guys and chat soon
I am a world class procrastinator. Today I have been doing work and by work I mean uni revision as my last uni exam is on Wednesday Honestly I just can't wait for it to be over and for me to be able to move onto the next chapter of my life. It's a little annoying for me because I just think how this should have been finished last year and for some reason that affects my motivation a little bit but it's very exciting that by 13:30 on Wednesday I will have finished my uni segment of my life I honestly can't tell you how excited I am for it, I feel like it's kind of the bit I'm waiting to be over before I can start to do things although I know that isn't entirely true because I have to wait till the end of November before I'm properly allowed to you know use public transport again.
Because I can't drive I do feel slightly restricted by the fact I can't use public transport yet although after my exam is done I plan on learning how to drive. I'm going to take the easy way out though because I really don't think I would be able to learn to drive a manual so I'm going to try automatic. I have to wait till the end of September though because then it will have been 4 months since the old transplant which is how long you have to wait. Does anyone else feel like it's been absolutely forever?!
Hopefully though I can do lots of exciting things. I've got my PHA conference at the end of October which is exciting and scary at the same time. I'm talking at it, hopefully not for that long, but about blogging, about why I do it, the increase in people with illnesses taking up blogging, whether it helps and social media within PH and transplant and the effect of it. It's really exciting for me because I've been a part of the PH community for 14 years now and for me it's just kind of coming round full circle for me. I used to go to their family weekends when I was a teenager and they were awesome and I've been going to their conferences for several years now and it feels nice that I can kind of give back a bit I suppose just for doing something I love doing and not just newspapers, news and magazines. It's quite amazing how many people have taken up blogging now though, I know when I started I kind of felt a bit odd because I only knew a few transplant people who were blogging at the time and then a few PH people started doing it too but that was it so it was a bit strange to be pouring a lot of yourself into a blog and letting people read it but it always seemed to help. Now though there are a lot of PH people who are blogging and it makes me happy because there are so many different sides to PH, more than any one person can cover so it's nice that people have different peoples experiences to read through as I'm sure someone out there with PH will have also have experienced it at some point.
I'm still not sure what I want to do after my exam and after I've had a bit of fun but I do know that I want to do something that helps people. I like the idea of doing something to do with transplant and PH because I would like to give back, they've given me so much over the years. It's just hard to know what really. I suppose we'll see just need to get Wednesday over and done with and then I can contemplate my life, it's really nice that I now have that luxury :) I know that I will be redesigning my blog very soon so I've got that to look forward to yay. I need a new look for my new life and fresh start :-D
As always, thank-you for reading guys and chat soon